That Wasn't Me...

Greetings all,

Tonight, I had night class at our downtown campus and afterwards I wanted to get dinner. Mainly because the food options downtown are far better than anything we have up north. Seriously, there is two of everything (McDonald's, Dunkin Donuts, Subway), yet most of the time I don't even want one of them.

In class we were talking about Flaccos Tacos, which is right by the downtown campus if you didn't know and they make some pretty good food, so that's what I was feeling at the time. The entirety of the time after class I was arguing back and forth with myself if I was really that hungry or should I just go home, but the shuttle wasn't leaving for a long time, but maybe I should take the L...I was being pretty indecisive on all counts.

Anyway, I walk up to Flaccos and the door is closed, and when I went to go push it open, it didn't...There were people inside who clearly saw me fail at this, and the place was definitely still open. So instead of acting like a human who just got door rejected and try and figure out how to open it, I just turned around and walked into Jimmie Johns which is located just opposite of Flaccos. Because walking out was not an option. Clearly, I had walked into the building to get food, but I thought maybe people would just think I changed my mind and wanted Jimmie Johns instead. Well there I was in Jimmie Johns and already ordered a sandwich. Mind you, This all happened so quickly that I didn't even realize that I had ordered anything until he told me the total.

After I paid, I looked out the door to the front door of Flaccos (still closed) and watch this what-had-to-be a 6 year old girl do the same thing I did. Except instead of running away like an embarrassed little coward she looked down at the handle, applied 6-year-old logic, and used the door knob to open it...Oh the amount of failing that I did within the span of one minute literally had to set a new record for all time patheticness. It was a new low, which is saying something.

Not only was I not clever enough to figure how to open a door, but I got to watch a 6 year old do what I could not, on top of letting my crippling fear of being embarrassed in front complete strangers overcome my desire for tacos. Also, lets not mention the fact that I live within a one block radius of Jimmie Johns up north and was one of the places that I could have just gone when I got home. So I threw that shitty sandwich in my backpack, dropped my head, and ran out of that place hoping to plant the idea that I "may have been in a hurry" in people's heads.

No one thought this or is even capable of that level of deduction of a stranger, this is my own insecurity.  The only person who would have made all the connections that I just made, is me.  We are all the same way, we are far harsher critics of ourselves than others. I'm super awkward at times, and have some pretty horrible awkward moments. Regardless of what you may think, a persons awkwardness isn't measured by the amount awkward things they do, but about how often they get caught doing them.

For example. We all have stairs, I assume, or have access to stairs, or climbed them at least one time in our lives. Well, anytime I find myself alone on a staircase my first instinct is to run, and that means go animal! Use all four limbs to get up those stairs as fast as "humanly" possible. Never in your life do you realize how ridiculous you look until you're running up several flights of stairs only to reason that a professor had just witnessed you struggle up the last one. That is a look I wish to forget, I still see him around campus and I'm pretty sure he cracks a pity smile my way...(sigh).

Better yet, have you ever been walking somewhere and then realize you're going the wrong direction so you have to back track yet there are so many people around you know someone's gonna noticed you screwed up. That happens pretty much daily, I've literally walked completely out of my way so I can loop and head back in the right direction, so I can "smoothly" get back on the right track, and filter through enough people that no one is gonna notice.

I ordered a pizza last week and when the guy said "enjoy your food" I replied with a "you too!" I wish I could learn from that mistake, but I tend to be a multiple offender of that awkward moment. It wouldn't be as bad, if I didn't sound like a little giddy fat kid who's to excited about food to think about anything else that's going on around him.

Talking to yourself. I do this pretty much everyday and I know it runs in my family, because I've definitely caught some of them in that awkward moment. Hehe losers.

If you've ever been caught talking to yourself you need to understand there was no way out of it until recently. Contrary to popular belief, the Bluetooth headset was not made to prevent cell-phone radiation or reckless driving, it was invented as a scape goat for the awkward moment of being caught talking to yourself. I swear it works, or at least it will make you think it works. Anytime you get caught talking to yourself by a stranger (that's important because people who know you will call bullshit immediately) just throw your hand up to your ear and pretend like your adjusting your "ear piece." Turn that ear away from them so they can't see you pathetically trying to save your dignity.  It's not full proof, but its better than anything else that's out there.

The best piece of recovery for any of these awkward moments, if blatantly caught, is to just laugh at yourself and keep walking, but that tends to not work in my favor as much as I hope it would. Still it will happens to everyone, and in that respect please don't sacrifice what you really want for a recovery because then you get   to watch a 6-year-old out-smart you, and a sandwich that you went out of your way avoid having to eat.

I would also like to say, that regardless of all the failing that I did tonight, I got to ride back on the L with my favorite Knight shift regular, Michael Heisler. He is in here probably more than I am, and I'm glad I've only seen him outside of these ungodly hours because that means school isn't that demanding yet this semester. I'm sure he'll return soon...sorry man.

Anyway that is all for tonight, if your awkward don't get caught, if you get caught you will be labeled as such. That's just something that's gonna happen.

Also, This is one of my dearest, most lovable friends, Mat, and he's making his senior movie. Donate if you can, anything would help. If not shower him with hugs, kisses, and compliments, because who wouldn't love that? He's a brilliant guy and sure knows his shit, probes (def) better than I do.




Taste of You (Click it, I dare ya)

Night, Nite, Knight,
Jarrad